Midday
by Nessies for Nana
Summary: The epic tale of what happens just after breaking dawn! Read on to find out what relationships are consumated, who dies, who eats who and, to top it off, who actually lives to tell the tale.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

So one day, I decembered that I didn't like Edward anymore. His sparkling began to irritate my pink contact ball. I was developing blindness and blind people are smelly and forget where the toilet is. Sometimes, they even poop on the ground. And then they can't find the sink, so surely they get scabies and die. In essence, I didn't want to get a sexually trasmuted disease like scabies, so I dumped him.

However, something new has caught my eye. While eating my daily breakfast of rug fibers and chicken fat. Sentence fragment. I saw voldemort on the news and decided I would sacrifice Nessie to my neighbor for good luck. Besides, Voldemort wouldn't wanna come to my house if he knew nessie was near by anyway 'cause he might contract aids. Simply, by being in the vicinity of that stupid spawn of mine. And that's the end of that.

Sadly, the stupid bitch found her way horacme. I don't know why 'cause I don't really like her. She's kind of dumb... So I ate a muffin and sat down with the newspaper. It suprisingly had a whole in it, not the real kind of hole but that kind, and suddenly there was a face about an inchworm away from mine.

"You should pick your nose..." Says alice with too much exuberance. She must do crack for breakfast.

"You have bad breath," Says I. I with the snarky attitude, burped and then began to realize how attractive Alice is. She's probably a lesbib with fangs. I began getting horny so my nose blew a boob. Boob. Hehe. Boobies. Nipple. Breast. Two percent milk. Fat free. Tit wiggle~ Soy bean. In conclusion, pea pod. Thumper. Conclusion, Edward can suck my twilight dildo that sparkles!

...kimono.


	2. catapillar 2

So I had to upewnt open up a word documentary.

I became tan.

-Bella.

I don't know how this osccur-ed. However. I am a vampire. So I don't tan. But I did it. So then I ate delectabgle French bugle. After said bugle I realized I wasn't in Kansas anymore. When ir ealized dis, I also realized I stenched a stinky stink upon my sniffer. I was ready to begin.

Dressed sharply in nothing more than a kimono, I went.

NEWS HEADLINE: Bella went. Where did she go? No on'e knows! Sparkly details to follow, page 69.

Whelp. I heard voldie-moldie was comin' to town just like Santa Claws was this year. Sometimes santa doesn't come every year, but sometimes he brings me presents in auguast, 'cause that's what this month might be. I lost track of time after I had nessie, plotting her death.


	3. indian princess exorcism plus hiccups

Begin. After becoming a lesbib lover with my dear titty monkey Alice, I was aware a change was amogst us. Occasionally, this change was also amongst us. I wanted a tomato sandwich, other than my typical beluga sandwich.

No, no. Not this change! Another kind!

Nessie had to die. So, dressed in my kimono. Half sentence. Gasp. There was a knocking at da door. Alice wanted me to take my cane to the door because I'm bella and I'm clumsy and I'm a pimp. She calls it a pajimp in her sexy tone, which sounds like denzel washing-tim, who is part black actor part bawz, part pie crust and also part really hot sometimes naked football player on a tv show. Belch. Excuse me. I may have burped whilst telling my tale.

When I got to the door, it was me. But only not me. Just my genetics, staring back at me. Nessie had arrived.

I thought to self, self? You produced an ugly lady. A lady so ugly, the monsters of the deep didn't even want to kill her cause they wwere scared they'd get scabies like the blind people and aids like voldemetoer, and DIE! Clearly. Period.

Then one day I decided that Pissue was gret. And while I had so much time on my hands, staring at my genetic production, she disappeared. We'll meet again soon, Nessie. This time, I'll have voldemort on my side, along with others. Others to come.

\

\Like buzz lightyear, and maybe some bison of the old west, and possibly some pilgrims. Possibly. They're kind of flaky people, those pilgrims are.


	4. fapter chore

Zsxcznhsxydfv b gv xc, mvkxjcvkjzsx

This took tweleve years to obtain space to write apon.

I hate this chapter of life and biology and stuf.f


	5. catipardle five

I really like to suck lemons because it takes the staste of putrid d delilahs out of m y mouth. . That means I waggled my tongue out of my mouth for a good jolly time.

Anyway. So there was bella, which is me, I, bella shall be recapping my story in third person for this tale. Thee bella was in a field in of wild delilahs somewhere on the land of canadia where the green grass grouts. Then suddlenly I spied a furry dark beast. With eyes like kole. Kole as in King Kole from a Christmas tale on ABC family. I approached him. My pinky finger in my right nostril, the sign of friendship and peace and offer and producitivity of the snot nature is a sign of alliance between myself and the whild with an h beasts of the furry, Canadian, prairie nature.

The beesion was a bison, wild and majestic in nature. U love nature. Ukelelele. So anyway, BEEISON AND MYSELF CONGRETATED IN. WE BEGAN. SO MYSELF THE BEESION, AND BUZ LIGHTYEAR WHO IS ALSO A CANDDDAIDIDN SO WE OFUND HIM IN THE PRARRIE WITH THE BEESION DRINKING WATER WIFF DA AGURA BUFFALOW. He cam etoos face. My loud letters mean I am less enthusiastic from this point on. I mean quiet letters, esxucse me.

Alice I coulse see in the beesions fur. She told me it was time. Time for hwat I didn't know but she told me it was time. There4 I believed she knew where the pilgrims were.

So I went.

Alice decided she would piggy back ride us to the north pole where thwhen we pilgrims resided. The place was vast and bootiful, with many a pilgrim and they had lamas as their kattle. We pillaged, burned and raped our way t the pilgrim king. In his company, we told hie were in dire need of assistance. Our doom was being decided by bad evil coons. I don't remember what a coon is but at the ime I knew. Im the smarted bella I know. I sho9uld know what a coon is, but I don't. therfor, the king agreed to help as long as we stopped kkilling his followers, raping theand taking their shit.

But they had nice shit, so we lied.

We were being flaky like the pilsbury rolls one eats at thanksgiving. We were one with the pilgrim kind. We learned their ways, so we rode llamas home to the place where we might live on occasion. When I realisex alice's finger was in my mouth. We paused and stopped for a mo at the nearby inn/

The inn was bad.

Nit wit.

And then we continued for a good quite some time, before llamaing across mexico. We knew something was a miss when we couldn't smell. Nothing hit my sniffer, which means sniffers were deactivated. The meaning of this? Voldy of the modlie kind was around.

Voldie has a tendancy to be a slippery turle at times. Turle is a close relative of at turtle.

He he hatced a plan by sitting on his shoes, like a penguin does on their eggs. It was a plan like rambunctious, stupendous, volumptuous plan and it was big. Bigger than you. Or even I and I am big because I am bella. Bella is me.

He liked our pilgrimie shit that we pillaged from the pilgrim place so we traded with him for some magic stuff. What kind of stuff you may like to know? You will never know. All that you will ever know is that we traveld the globe, the nay-sayer of narcolpsey, the Nigerian of Normandy, the napeolean of new Orleans, the k is silent knight of noogies, the normal kind of night of naughtiness in Nottingham. Nessie.


	6. plump pantalones of the mexican kind

I watched the tube of the watching. I saw a sparkley thing which caught my sparkley vampire eye socket which alice bought for me. It was Edward on the infomercial chanel. He was talking about things I don't really liten to. I don't like ears. I don't like listening. I really don't like listening to ears, which means I hate elephant. They talk with their earz. With a z because their ears are so big not all the ses in the world could talk about the.

Edward was speaking of things. Suddenly, he was near me. HE . He told me was my ally. I signe the contract, and we were one. Literally because the contract was a sexual kind. T was a sexual onctract, incase you didn't understand, we signed sex. He was on my side. Together he and me ran away to Nicaragua to find some things and materials. We bought the vamp which was what I actually saw on the infocmerical channel in the wee morn. We also got bubbilicious gumb. I put some in my vampire mouth and I ate the paper as well. The paper tasted like cardboard so I got angry and ate EVERYBODY IN THE STORE. Then I asked everyone to dance. And Edward and I danced everywhere. We danced so hard no feet were left and then we realized we need more feand and time. Time to exact our revenge and plot the demise of the bubbelicious factory.

To our horrororor, we realized twas nessie who made the gumb we chewed so viouciously. She was trying to contact us through the gumb.

I said to self, self? What will you do, now that your spawn is a murderous, evil, jerk who is a pomegranate in nature and what will you do? What will you do? How did nessie becomebuh a murdiddlierdler? A dwarf or an elephant?

Edward and I realized that she too was gaining power and compadres. She too was residing in a Mexican country.


	7. chatper neves

I was lost in the woods. and suddenly…..

DUN DUN DUN

With no plans to plan or plots to plot, snow fell. Trees arose. Garland fell out of alice's butt, and I raised her in the air to rap the garland around the trees that arose in the snow. We decorated with a k because it is too exciting to use a c and rapped some more about hip hop things. Then there was a thing called krissmass.

Now a little hing to know is that krissmass is a thing which people do. Us vamps celebrate differently. Voldiemite likes to celebrate too, but no one but me likes him so he doesn't have a party for kirssmass. He just kills stuff and eats it.

I sad on a nice, smooth rock. I pondered here for a mo before returning to the krissmass festitivties. And there I found I festivated jovially. It was a grand thing to see, me with my mistletoe eyelashes, my icameltoe pants, and my festive decorated pajimp and my alice. My sweet glorious, hippopotomouse.

Zoo creatures also came to party wioth us at krissmass 'cause they too like sandy clawz. I fed them my bubblecious gumb from the store in nikaragua that nessie made and they hated it too. So they hated her. I had another alliance with the naminals of the captive kind, excedpt for the elephants 'cause they.

There was a knock. Everybody arrives at krissmass so nessie arrived along side everybody. We dined on dining things, and munched apon munching materials and presented presents. The best kind of them.

Presents should be all things such as jewjebies, gonads, crutches, those little mints that you get from restaurants after you've finished your fine dining experience, knitted sox, and a delightful assortment of pickles and pig feet. Yumb. The way a furby says it. Like yummmmbuh.

And then krissmass left. Things returned to normal and nessie left by the drain in the tub, leaving in a way we didn't understand. Finish.

I expelled nessie from myself. I wanted to expel her from the world. I am the principle of this school called life, and she was a bad pupil. Like from an eye, she needed an advisor and contacts, neither of which I had the funds to pay for.


	8. the lost chapter

.


	9. Hello WorLd, this iS mE An AnnounCemeNt

If you don't :SLDKFJWOUGN REVIEW I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BURN IT DOWN. SINCERELy,

It is I, bella.

But really. I will. I will huff and puff and blow job your house in.


	10. Boobs

Entrance. It is I, Bella. Not Bellatrix lestrange if you may ask. Possibly because she's on drugs, and this is the wrong tale. But also because her hair is nappy and mine is fashionably adorably cute and straight. And also plain and boring… I need jenny craig to help me enrich my life. However, Opera is not on my viewing tube any longer.

I blame Nessie. That vile offspring of mine, the goat from drag me to hell a film where a goat says "you freed me you little whore". Therefore, Nessie was a Whore. And a goat. A whore goat. Sometimes farmers wills ell you those for cheap cause they're gross. And what would you do goat OR a Klondike bar that they're sold with? Nothing. That's right.. .

Next.

Whilst I was speaking I ate a fly. This is because I forget to shower usually because I am plotting. Plotting things to do. Such as murder. And I would like to make a lasagna but it's taken me years to do so. Therefore. I don't. I knew it was time when I found last years newspaper under 15 feet of dirt in my hair.

One day, when my spawn doesn't walk th lanet I call earth, I will be able to shower once again.

I will be a clean Bella. Bella will walk the earth with no grimbuh on her bodice. Bella is me, so I won't be dirty any longer, like dirty laundry after it's bath. In the washing machine. Such as da clothez, I will put myself in the washing machine to cleanse. One day, I says. One day.

Because I hate my spawn, I hate my mother who spaweeded me. That's like spawning, but more natural and polite. Drugs aren't usually involved, unless they go in your spine and eat the pain gone. My daily activities this week have been murder, and my mother. She was a grand activitity and I had a splendid enjoyment fli. This fli I did was to push her over a large bridge. Dear Jesus, Bitch, Love bella. Also, I threw coyote with his andvils over the bridge to plop one on her noggin. My Mother, therefore, she ded.

See? Now I am happily motherless. Soon, I will be happily nessie-less. She isn't my daughter, she is my nessie. The worst kind of thing: my arch nessimas. Like a nemisis, but worse because she's fuly and only has one tooth but it's like a beaver. So she can guh-naw on things. Like trees and cars. Ever wonder why so many people have rusty cars in their lots? Sometimes when she's angry and hungry, traffic lights are consumed. Eaten. Devoured. Yumb.

I am wearing a snuggie. It has a foot cover, and a butt cover but so I can poop, it has a flap. I wouldn't have purchased this luxury item if it didn't have a flap. I hate a cold bottom whilst I poo. Nessie doesn't poo, so I think that's why she's so evil. She may have some konstipation.

I am writing this leter to George Washingtun, so that he may hear me and understand the doom with with the world is run in days of now. Love Bella. But not Bellatrix Lestrange, it's me. Bella the nappiless nappitity head. Of me.


	11. projective pajimps pussing pimp juice

The grudge was on my side. I fed some cat food in that weird creepy Japanese or asisn I don't know, they're all kind of similar with their wide screen tvs and vision. (television, and vision.)

I became a message in a bottle and floated all the way all the to where you might ask? You will never know, because I am bella. Bella has lots of secrets. Like the fact im a vampire. A neat vampire. Sometimes I have a k in there for added excite. I also use ky jelly in this case. These are all examples of 6to where you might ask? You will never know, because I am bella. Bella has lots of secrets. Like the fact im a vampire. A neat vampire. Sometimes I have a k in there for added excite. I also use ky jelly in this case. These are all examples of 6.

The ky jelly helped me enter.

No no, not that . my equiptment of the female kind is strickly probable only. So I woke from my slumber in the message of the bottle land. I was in my bed, with some country fried steak that alice cooked me whilst I was being a message. I like to snuggle with my prey before I consume it in a fast fashion, while watching the wiggles because they give me motivation to work out. They give me the wiggles. It might be an std,k or a secret message from the nessiemonster, but I chose to think different. I knew it was a morning, a morning where humbans go to education places. My young nonhumban human was asleep in her breast. I mean bed. I mean cradle, because nessie fits there when she wants. She may be evil, be she's only 2 ft tall.

This morn, I dressed.

At approximately some-time oclock, it was time to bring my personal monster to the skinfixerupy erer. Here, her skin would be fixed. She no longer would be an ugly lady, a fugly flamingo, a bastardly bafoon, a blue footed booby. She would be pimp free. The pimps invaded her face when she expelled from my wombuh. With the skinfixiefoxietrixie, the pimps were taimed, the hoes were slapped and the money was collected. Nessie was free from the pimp juice, known as pus and slash or pasta to humans. Clump. Crump. Stump. Lump. Mump. Trump. Dump. Pump. Nessie liked to pump.

Gas.


End file.
